A Sense of Empowerment

I spent some time alone today. I ate dinner by myself, watched a couple of my shows, put on some music, and read a book. That was ok. When my last boyfiend left me I used to profess how I could not stand to be alone and that I could never imagine wanting to live alone. I was not completely unlike my current boyfriend, nor was I completely like him eather. I knew I could function day in and day out, I knew I could cook, and make meals, and keep clean, and get by, but I always stated that I wouldn't be happy. When I made these claims it was asked of me, "If you can't stand to be aroudn yourself how can you expect others to be?" I didn't understand that. But the truth is that it isn't just about being able to be with yourself, it's mostly about being an uninfluenced self. I have had a mostly fluid lifestyle and sense of self for quite some time. In the last few years parts of it has taken on a more solid state but that doesn't mean that it's finished. I'm not done being just me and know who just me is so that I can be a we in a close living space. And if you asked my opinion neither has my current boyfriend. I wish I could get him to see what I see and talk to me about separating our residences in order to be individuals in a realationship before being a unit in the house or marriage. I want to have my own space and I need to figure out how I live what my day to day joys are and what my routine would be if I was just by myself. While life is made for sharing we have been given the gift of family to share it with as individuals and loves to come in later to share the joys we have found in the world for ourselves. I am not against sharing my journy to finding my joy and balence in the world with my boyfriend but I feel it would be best spent separately together.