Faith and Death

I have been an adolescent of very little belief. I can't claim to not have any faith. But to what our maker wants and what master plan there is I can not say. I have never taken the time to figure out what I believe of after death. And now I will admit that I now have issues because of a lack of knowing what I believe.

A lack of faith in the after life or heaven or a lack of sureness in that faith leaves me conflicted about the loss of my mother. I miss her. I miss her so much it aches. My mothers death was a surprise to my existence. That's not to say we did not have time to prepare as he diagnosis was seven months before her death. But losing a parent at 25 was not something that had even crossed my mind ever. As I'm sure my cousin didn't consider losing a parent at 23 either. In the last three years I have lost two uncles and my mother to cancer, three different kinds of cancer. That loss pulls at my heart every day and I have not found a way to cope. Many find solace in the faith, in the their belief in what comes after and how we are granted forgiveness and taken into the arms of heaven. But I do not have a strong enough conviction of beliefs nor have I put enough thought or research or reading of the Bible or any other book on the matter to find comfort anywhere. The only comfort I had was in being at home and I know despite past postings I can not do forever.