So I made it to Washington. A good 16 hours in my Mustang and I tell you that is not really the type of car for long trips but that's ok. My panic is subsided and I am feeling much better. My boyfriend and I are getting on much better as well. I believe that I targeted him with my panic because he was something tangible that I could see to target with it. It isn't really his fault and he didn't deserve my sudden onset of unsuredness. But I think the bulk of it has subsided. I got to see all of my family so far but have not gotten to really talk to my aunt yet. But just having the time without any scheduling or lists of things to do or man to be responsible for has given my the chance to clear my thoughts and put myself together. My conclusion.... I have rushed into both school and my relationship. But that doesn't mean that its' wrong. It just means that I have rushed myself and now I need to just take the rest of it at my own pace. Make sure that I'm not running away just on sheer fear. I love my boyfriend he's good and attentive and the mose caring partner I've ever had and he's my friend. I miss him now that I'm gone and I feel soooooooo guilty since he got two days off. But this trip was something that I needed to do and it was important for my wellbeing and for the wellbeing of my relationship. When I go home I will be calmer, more myself, and my in tune with my own feelings. At least that's the goal.
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