Am I the Slow Friend?

I have reciently concluded that my friends are better than me. (And pardon this note as I'm writing it on my phone) My friends/classmates/other people who graduated high school much later than I have forward moving lives. They have 1-2 children, homes, husbands, wives, full time functioning careers and jobs (let's face it there's a difference between a career and a job). Meanwhile I feel like I'm stuck in this perpetual adolescenc. I do not look like, come across as, function as, have the life of an adult. I am pretty, I have a college eduaction, I'm talented, and I am more intellegent and talented and savy than the average Joe out there. And yet here I am 26 with a whole wad of work skills that no one will hire because I've "never worked", unmarried, and wondering why the hell do I feel like such an anomoly? Am I just lucky to have so many people around me who all from the outside have functioning livesa and families while I am just starting at the begining? Or is the truth really that all the functioning 20 something adults out there simply have one friend that's the slow starter? I feel like a kid among older siblings who by example shout grow-up at me. Its not their fault I know. They are just living their lives. And I am an academic, I know, I was always the girl in school who was gonne climb her way up the degree ladder and have the world at her feet, but why has that meaned that my life didn't grow-up? Besides the truth is is that climbing the degree ladder won't put the world at ur feet anyway, no matter how much your college prepatory high school wants to tell you that. So where does that leave me... stuck somewhere between knowing what I want and being behind getting there. Second bit of truth..... there were somethings I didn't know I always wanted untill the last few yearss. But once you figure out something you want it's hard not to go at it at full speed with determination and gusto, cuz that's what I do but not all things are determined to move forward by ourselves, sometimes its determined by others, sometimes by chance, and sometimes by time itself. So I will continue on in my stunted adulthood and perhaps one day I'll grow out if it

Myself

Though you can find most of the information you would want on my profile. There are some details I would like to confess here before I go on.

This blog is my way of being an open book. I am a very introverted person and tend to not let people in very quickly or easily. I have two friends. My best friend whom lives three thousand miles away and has known me for ten years. My boyfriend. He.... well I can't even begin to describe what he is to me. I was first boyfriend when I was fifteen. He has been my friend for the last 12 years and we have recently reconnected romantically. He is and will ever been the most consistent and caring man in my life.

I am an obese 26 year old. I have been so all my life. In the last year I have lost 50 pounds with the help of Weight Watchers, and at the encouragement of my now ex-boyfriend. We were together for three years. While coping with my mothers illness I went wedding dress shopping with her for fear of not having the opportunity to do so at another time. (I was right about there not going to be another opportunity by the way.) I bought a dress. I bought a $1,600 dress. Two months later he told me he had basically checked out of our relationship a year go and he asked me to move out of our shared apartment. He stole me of my confidence and my self assuredness. Though I will admit I feel that I was stifled by him and put through a lot emotional by our difference of personality.

The following postings will be confessions, observations, and general thoughts and ideas by me as I simply move forward living.