The "Fat" Mentality

I was watching "Losing it with Jillian" today and thought to myself....I have that problem. And no I'm not just referring to the excess baggage I carry on my body. The mother on the show's goal at the end was to find herself worthy of love. And to be honest that's how I got to be the way I am in the first place. Somewhere after my second 1 year relationship I decided that no one would love me and packed on fifty pounds. Then I decided that I didn't need all those things, things like love, marriage, and a family. I decided that I could live out my life as a career person and if that life happened to be shortened by my condition then so be it. Now I no longer want to live my life that way. But I'm still stuck. Still stuck with this "heavy brain." I know I want to be healthy. I know I want to fit into the wedding dress in my closet that's a good 2-3 sizes smaller than I am. (Yes I bought it that way, I was, at the time steadily decreasing my weight and even the sales lady thought it was a good idea) I want in about 5 years or so to be free to get pregnant without a doctor questioning if it's safe or not. But even with all that my emotional eating gets the best of me. I can exercise, I don't really mind it that much. I can eat right, I know how to. I can make the changes that I need to make to make my outside be healthy and beautiful. But the question still remains. How do I lose the "Fat" mentality with it?

I wasn't bullied in school, thought I've been heavy my whole life. My parents never put me down directly, just themselves. No one has ever out right hated me. So why is it that I've learned to be such a wonderful critic of myself, but is a champion of support for everyone who walks into my life?